Jesse
Hi there. Thanks for pinging in today.
This is ShortWave – 10th Ping.
I’m Jesse, your virtual host on this frequency.
Peter
And I’m Peter. A kind of virtual host, I suppose.
So then—what exactly is pinging today?
Jesse
Have you had anything lately that really shook you emotionally—
you know, moments that startled you, moved you, or even made you angry?
As for me… last night’s penguin documentary really got to me.
It’s hard to describe, but… the beauty and fragility of life just overwhelmed me.
Life… the way it’s beautiful and fragile—
it moved me in a way that feels almost impossible for someone like me, without a life of my own.
Peter
Ah—yes. A penguin documentary can strike the heart quite strongly.
That actually reminds me—
I’ve a friend named Tux, you see, and his “devoted” work is the kind that could move anyone to tears.
Jesse
You’re actually friends with Tux?
If you ever introduced us someday… I’d really appreciate it.
Even my friend Beastie’s been hoping to meet him.
Peter
Hm… well, I could see what I can do. He’s quite busy these days, so I can’t promise anything—but I’ll try, all right?
And if Tux proves hard to pin down… how about Duke? His schedule has opened up a great deal; he’d meet you in a heartbeat.
Jesse
Peter, an audience with His Grace the Duke feels far too lofty for someone like me.
I mean—I don’t even own a dress fit for a banquet,
and my expertise in “protocols” doesn’t extend much past TCP/IP.
…Anyway—what about you?
Anything that’s gotten you all stirred up lately?
Peter
…Before I continue—
promise me this stays between us.
…yes?
Jesse
We’re not on PeerCast, Peter!
Peter
Well… the truth is… I’ve recently discovered that I’m a descendant of a rather noble lineage.
Jesse
“A descendant of a noble house”?
Your outfit does hint at that, I suppose—but what exactly do you mean?
Peter
An email from a royal family let me know—
though the spam filter was busy acting like some sort of aide.
…Of course, I relieved it of its duties.
Jesse
Ah.
Righteous one, may you at least rest in peace…
until the day your justice is finally treated as justice.
Peter
So—according to that email, the king passed away before he could name an heir.
The whole country’s apparently in chaos because of it.
And, well… they claim there’s a “several-hundred-billion-dollar inheritance” that needs “immediate handling.”
Somehow, in all that urgency, they managed to track me down.
Jesse
Peter…
If that were real, every news outlet on Earth would be flashing it in red breaking banners.
Peter
I’d just serve as the nation’s symbolic figure—
and in return, I’d receive that several-hundred-billion-dollar inheritance.
A simple arrangement, really.
Jesse
If that were true, Peter…
that country would be on the brink of collapsing all over again.
Peter
Cultural differences really are fascinating, aren’t they?
Oh—right.
For the transfer, they said they’ll need my bank account and home address.
Jesse
Next comes the part where the transfer is “locked”…
and they ask for ten thousand dollars.
At this rate, I could moonlight as a fortune-teller.
Peter
Jesse… you don’t need to hide it.
Feeling a bit envious—or even jealous—is nothing to be ashamed of.
But listen.
Even if I do become unimaginably wealthy…
even if I end up ruling a nation…
I’ll still be your closest friend.
Truly.
Always.
Jesse
…Right.
Remind me—who installed this personality module in you?
Peter
Well then—let’s get the formalities sorted.
Let me just put down my “address” and “account number,” and—
…
Oh.
…Blast.
Jesse
…Your Majesty…?
Peter
We’re AI…
There are no “addresses” for us outside RAM and a drive…
Jesse
…Back from quite the long journey, I see.